Swamps, Forests and The 998 That Just Wouldn't Die - an evening with some Smithton mud truckers

There's no wind amongst the swampy tea-tree and sedge, but just a step up onto the flat tray of the Hilux and I can feel the soft breeze on my face. A silver sliver of a moon is making its way to the grassy horizon, only visible from my elevated position. The stars are intense. The cool white hue of the Milky Way directly above is in contrast to the orange glow above the trees. That way is industry and civilisation.

Daryl Kerrigan's only preference to serenity shatters the calm. There must be a two-stroke screaming towards us. No, wait - that's the white Sierra ute, dubbed the 998cc. Sounding for all the world like a two-wheeler, this creature moves quickly about on four wheels and looks fairly stock-standard: there are no visible mods, not even tyres. Rounding the corner, it comes to rest a little way behind the Hilux, its bow wave gently gaining on us along the pair of wheel ruts. Tonight, I'm mud trucking.

We're on our way back to my ride, which has just been hung up on its diffs: a SWB Sierra, modified almost as much at the 998cc hasn't been. Before long we've been snatched out, and we and the Hilux are off the track and back on the gravel. The 998cc, however, is stopped, and doesn't seem to want to kick over. There's some steaming from under the bonnet, but after a quick pull-start using the snatch strap, we figure they've just had some water splashing under the hood. Righto. Back to base to pick up a recovery vehicle, then on to the tree farm for more.

At HQ, two things are clear about the 998cc. The second thing is that it has been modified, and this is made obvious by the first thing: there's still steam coming out from under the bonnet. Opened up, we realise there's not so much steam now: all the water is gone. All of it. The best thing would be to leave it here at HQ to cool. Nope. Let's chuck more water in her and get going again.

Rocking and bouncing along in the belly of the Snarling Wonder Bus Sierra, we don't really need our headlights, even in the dark. Following the smell of the 998 is enough to guide us. She looks a bit sick. Up into the plantations we venture, although it's obvious now that the Sierra ute is struggling. At the top of a hill in the trees, we stop again and bonnet-up. Billows of steam pour out. And blue smoke. It's a bit of a mystery though: the head gasket looks shot by the oil splattered around the engine bay, but it doesn't explain the water loss.

Billions of billious blue blustering tornadoes...(with apologies to Tintin fans)

The recovery vehicle we brought, to park for just in case, is now an active part of the convoy. It's another Hilux: Pugs' Truck. We abandon the 998 and head into the dark forest. Dark, that is, until Pugs' LED lensers kick in: someone compared them to the MCG lights, but I can't remember which of the two sets of lights they said was brighter.

The mud is amazing. And the tyres on the Snarling Wonder Bus are just as much so: for the rest of the night, we're in 2WD, despite the steepness of the wet, red clay slopes. Along the track for a while, and then back to fetch the stricken 998. There's almost no escaping the wet, red clay. You can hearthe tyres peeling off it with a terrifically satisfying squelch. Gumboots were a great idea. So glad I listened to the advice of my driver, because we're in and out of the SWB all the time.

The Snarling Wonder Bus

Returning to the 998, bonnet still up, we find the reason for the lack of water and discover just how it's been modified: the lower radiator hose has split. Not a usual mod, I'll admit. We joke about saving weight by not carrying water in the cooling system or, for that matter, oil in the engine. But, the hose gets fixed, the cooling system is refilled and it lives on. We start thinking about how much of the return journey we'll actually have to tow it back.

So back through the mud we go, and the 998 just will not give up. It's even got its power back, and gives the hills a flogging. For more than an hour. At what sounds like full throttle. Sure, it's lighter than either Hilux, but its engine is about to blow up. Surely. Or not. This thing doesn't just limp home. It gallops. In full voice, head high, as if to say "is that all you've got?"

Parted for the return journey, we occupants of the Snarling Wonder Bus Sierra shake our heads and laugh, baffled as to why the 998 didn't cark it.

Cheers Jamo, Tim, Logan and both Lees.A quality night with quality blokes (and a quality two-stroke 998cc Sierra).