Jasmine and Zoe: faith in spite of circumstances.

Crisis times reveal to us where our faith is at. On October 20th 2007, Jasmine was born to Mel and I as a premature baby before passing away in Mel's arms. She was at 17 weeks' gestation. I say she was premature and not miscarried because she was delivered alive. When Zoe stopped breathing and had a 25-minute fit in mid-February 2010, we weren't sure how mentally fit she would be if she came out of it. Those two situations are complete stories in themselves, and they were extremely difficult to walk through. Yet from those situations came an increased faith that we carry today.

Most people have some sort of faith and, of those who do there are, broadly speaking, two distinct types of faith. The difference between the two types is our conviction. Abram carried conviction.

Genesis 15 tells us that Abram had no children. This meant no heir. Everything of Abram's for which he'd spent his life working - flocks, herds, servants, property - would pass to a man outside his bloodline, possibly to his servant. He asked God about this when God's word came to him. God took him outside at night and showed him the stars, saying his descendants will be as numerous as they. Then Genesis 15:6 says Abram believed the Lord, and he credited it to him as righteousness.

Abram's belief (faith) came out of the conviction that God would do what he promised. Note something very important here. Abram believed God would do, not just that God could do. This is the conviction ingredient, and the ingredient God looked for in order to transfer Abram's faith from a promise to a reality.

Our faith grew tangibly through the time of Zoe's seizure. I was following the ambulance which was carrying Mel and Zoe. Suddenly I felt something rise within me. Instead of just believing that God could heal Zoe and praying along those lines, I believed that God would heal her and began praying with more conviction. The difference was immediate: instantly Zoe stopped fitting (she was at the 25-minute mark by then) and started crying, which the paramedics said was a good thing. Two minutes later the ambulance stopped to transfer Zoe to a MICA ambulance, which gave Mel and I the opportunity to talk. I found out Zoe stopped fitting two minutes earlier and told Mel about the difference in my prayer. Mel told me she experienced the same feeling I  had.

So what's the difference in our faith? In Abram's and Zoe's situations the difference was changing my focus from God can to God will. Few of us doubt God's ability, so the God can faith is easy. Until my prayer changed gear, I was praying things like "God I know you can heal; I know you can heal Zoe". Now sometimes God doesn't heal. We may or may not ever understand the reason. But with a conviction that God will comes a peace that, no matter the outcome, God loves us and is still in control.

The difficult faith is the God will faith. You find yourself in a situation of need and you realise (sometimes agonisingly) that there is nothing important enough or good enough in yourself that will convince God to act on your behalf. Yet you find yourself praying "God, I know you are a healing God. I believe that you will intervene in Zoe's situation for me and on my behalf. Thank you". You still can't see any possible way this could be OK, yet you choose to believe that it will be OK.

When we lost Jasmine, Mel and I believed that everything would be OK because God says in the Bible in Romans 8 that all things work together for the good of those who love [God], who are called according to his purpose. Since that time, despite losing Jasmine without a healing miracle for her, many opportunities have arisen to tell others about God's faithfulness and overwhelming love in and through our crisis, and the healing for Mel and I, which came out of our brief time with Jasmine, was amazing.

It was Abram's God will faith that God counted as Abram's righteousness. It was Abram's God will faith in action again that carried him through the agony of very nearly sacrificing his own son, Isaac. Without going into the following stories, it was the God will faith of people like Noah, Moses and Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego which enabled them to see the other side of their circumstances.

OK, but what if God doesn't? Despite our God will faith, sometimes he doesn't answer our prayer, and this can be excruciating. The Bible says that God is faithful, and that he knows all things and will sustain us. If our God will faith doesn't seem to be met, God knows the reason, even if we don't or never do. He calls us to put our God will faith into action again: God will make things OK once more. God will heal. God will get a great testimony out of this journey, regardless of the outcome, because I trust him.

God certainly can. What he wants is for us to believe that he will.

Every day I thank God for Zoe. Whenever I remember Jasmine, I thank God for her too - with fondness, not regret or sadness. God is good. Keep watch for Jasmine's and Zoe's stories.